


Only You

by QueenEmpath



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Insecurity, M/M, Miscommunication, Self-Doubt, Sirius Lives, insecure sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9538424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEmpath/pseuds/QueenEmpath
Summary: Sirius is having doubts about his relationship with Remus. Will Remus prove him wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first yslash fic

 

It was a quite evening at 12 Grimauld Place. As quite as it can be with the presence of an annoying, grumpy house-elf, screaming portrait of an old hag and half of the Order of the Phoenix. Sirius was in the dining area sipping at a glass of Firewhiskey. Although his healer told him not to drink, Sirius couldn't help it. These past few months, or years, weren't good for him, three months ago he was almost killed by his crazy cousin at the Department of Mysteries. If Dumbledore wasn't there, Sirius definitely would have died. After spending two weeks in St Mungo's, Sirius returned home.

Home what an irony, the place Sirius hated the most now he was forced to live there. He was the almighty "Lord Black" after all and inherited both the title and everything that went with it, including the house. Again he scoffed at the title. A loud giggle got his attention. He turned around and saw Tonks was talking to Remus, his Remus. Fate was funny. Who would've thought, he, Sirius Black the former playboy of Hogwarts, would end up falling for his best friend? Their romance started during their sixth year.. .During their Christmas break, when they were both under a mistletoe as two awkward teen boys. Remus shyly kissed him while he returned the kiss with much passion. Sirius could still remember the taste of amber and honey warmth of Remus's mouth; it gave him shivers even now.

They were forced to keep their relationship under wraps because of two reasons. First, homosexuality wasn't excepted in the wizarding world during those times and secondly, because of Sirius's blood status. Though he never cared about what his family would say, Remus thought otherwise. James was the first person who find out about them. Sirius and Remus expected disgust and hatred but James just grinned at them and said:

"Guys please do me a favor, don't do it in my bed but you can definitely use Wormtail's."

"Now you gave me the idea, we're definitely gonna do it in your bed Prongs," said Sirius devilishly.

"PA FOOT!" shouted Remus.

Ah, those were good memories. After his escape from Azkaban, when he and Remus were forced to live under the same roof, Remus stayed distant and estranged. Though he knew Sirius was innocent, the time they spent apart changed them both. Another loud giggle from Tonks brought him out of his thoughts of the past. Sirius looked at the pair and sighed.

Later, Sirius found Remus alone in the Kitchen, quietly he approached the other man and hugged him from behind, burying his nose in Remus's neck. Remus jumped in shock.

"P-Padfoot, w-what, what the hell are you doing!?" exclaimed Remus, looking here and there in worry. He attempted to push Sirius away but the other man didn't budge.

"I want you," mumbled Sirius. Remus just shook his head.

"Sirius. Not here, not now. I'm not in the mood," said Remus.

"You're never in the mood anymore," Sirius grumbled darkly. He let go of Remus and returned to his room.

Later, when Remus approached Sirius's room, it was locked. He tried to open it with magic but to no avail. Remus just sighed and left.

~o~

For days, things remained tense between Sirius and Remus. Other Order members noticed too but they just shrugged thinking that both friends would sort it out eventually. Sirius was heading towards the kitchen to get a midnight snack, but he paused outside the door when he heard Tonks' voice.

"Do you think, he likes me Molly?"

"Of course, dear. I noticed the way he looks at you, also he's spending much time with you lately. I think Remus likes you too."

"But why would he take interest in me?" Tonk's voice was full of anxiety. "He's so intelligent, smart and mature and I'm so clumsy..."

"Are you even listening to yourself? Nymphadora Tonks, you're the most sweetest, fun-loving, joyous, interesting witch. Any man would be lucky to have you, especially Remus given his condition and all he's been through. He's shy about letting people in, so I think you should definitely pursue him. He needs someone in his life who can love him and take care of him... not some useless, immature friend," said Molly.

Sirius's blood boiled. How dare Molly say those things about him, he wasn't 'useless'! Then a wave of sadness overtook him...Maybe, just maybe, Molly was right. Merlin knows he wasn't doing much to help the Order or anyone, not even Harry, anymore. And Remus didn't need him anymore to transform at the full moons, not like at Hogwarts when the werewolf and animagus both transformed together to keep each other company and control the wolf. Maybe Remus don't want him anymore. Sirius tried to hold back a whimper. He don't have anything to give Remus. On the other hand, Tonks could give him children, a normal life, with her he wouldn't have to hide anything or hold onto the past.

He hadn't even received any letter from Harry since he last went to Hogwarts. Maybe Harry didn't need him either.

Sirius wiped at his face and was surprised that his own hands came away wet with tears.

~o~

The next day, during dinner, Sirius and Molly got into a huge argument while others were looking at them.

"I still think Albus made a huge mistake by giving Harry's responsibility to you," shot Molly.

"Shut up Molly, I'm not Arthur who'll listen to whatever you say," Sirius shouted back at her.

Remus looked at Sirius disapprovingly. "Sirius, stop behaving like a child," scolded Remus but it angered Sirius more.

"Shut your fucking mouth, Lupin, I don't want to hear anything from you. You're the biggest coward you know, if you were bored of me, instead of saying it to my face you went behind my back! If you wanted a woman, if you were ashamed of us you should've told me rather then cheating on me with my own cousin's child!" By now Sirius voice had become louder. Remus looked at others nervously.

"What do you mean, he cheated on you?" asked Arthur but Molly interrupted.

"What Remus does in his personal life, and with whom he does it, is NONE of your business!" said Molly

"What 'MY LOVER' does is my business. Do you think, your life was hard, Lupin? Well, my life hasn't been any bed of roses either! My family hated me for being a blood traitor," Sirius shouted, looking pointedly at Molly and Arthur then spoke again. "I spent twelve years in Azkaban, I never got the chance to apologize to James, I never got the chance to attend my best mate's funeral, I never got the chance to raise my godson—who obviously hates me— " Remus approached Sirius and attempted to touch him but the other man pushed him away. "Don't touch me. I'm going out, by the time I return I want all of you out." With that Sirius left. Remus sat on a chair with a dull thud, his face in his hands.

"Remus, you and Sirius were lovers?" asked Arthur.

"Yes, Arthur we are, since our sixth year. Sirius wanted to tell everyone but I said no because it wasn't acceptable at the time, another reason was Sirius's family. I didn't want to hide our relationship out of shame, I did it for Sirius but I— fuck— I lost him," said Remus brokenly and left.

Tonks looked completely shaken by the whole argument; this was a whole side of Remus Lupin she'd never seen. And as much as she loved him, she suddenly felt that she couldn't just let Sirius suffer either. Not if he still had a chance with Remus.

She knew what she had to do to make it right.

"We've got to help them," whispered Tonks, tears starting to collect in her eyes as she spoke the final words.

"What are you saying Tonks?" Molly snapped. "It's not natural, Remus needs a woman in his life he needs you."

"No, he doesn't need me. He needs Sirius, whom he loves. I tried to make Remus love me...I tried to force it, but I knew there was something holding him back and now I know what it is." Tonks wiped at her tearing eyes and took a deep gulf of air. "I'm going to help them whether you like it or not, Molly," said Tonks leaving Molly open mouthed.

~o~

Remus was in Sirius's room. Just then, the room's door opened and Sirius entered, he looked at Remus blankly. Remus ran to him and hugged him tightly repeating over and over again: "Oh Padfoot, I love you, only you. You know how worried I was," yet abruptly Remus stopped his rant and pushed Sirius away.

"HOW DARE YOU! You dared to play this cheap trick on me, Tonks, how could you? I thought you were my friend, how could you?" shouted Remus at the other man. Because Remus was a werewolf and could smell that this Sirius wasn't actually the real Sirius Black. He smelt like Tonks.

"How did you know?"

"Your smell."

Sirius's eyes went huge and in the blink of an eye Sirius turned into Tonks.

"Woah, woah Remus. I wasn't trying to offend you. I was trying to help you" said Tonks.

"By taking my Sirius's form?" asked Remus through gritted teeth.

"Please calm down and listen," said Tonks. "I will explain everything. Please Remus, I just want to help."

~o~

Sirius was in a clear spot of grass in the cemetery before James and Lily's graves. He moved his fingers over the engraved words on the tombstone:

_R.I.P_

_In_ _loving me_ mory _of_ _James and Lily Potter_

"I miss you prongs. You know, I really wanted to apologize for that day. I shouldn't have listened to the bloody rat and leave your side. I feel alone, Prongs, I've no one here. Harry doesn't need me, Moony— Remus doesn't need me. I want to join you, please call me there Prongs," said Sirius looking at the grave. Anyone would think he was insane but he didn't care that he was talking to a gravestone like the dead man underneath could actually hear him. He just wanted to be with his friend again. With James.

Just then, Sirius heard someone calling his name behind him, but he ignored it until the voice become louder. He looked up to see Tonks running towards him.

Sirius frowned. "What the hell do you want, Tonks? Why don't you run into the bloody sunset with your new boyfriend," spat Sirius.

"What are you talking about—" began Tonks.

But before Tonks could complete her sentence, Sirius stopped her. "I know you like Remus, I heard your talk with Molly. Why are you here, why aren't you in Remus's arms by now since I'm not in way anymore?"

"Mum was right, you actually don't use your mind at all, Sirius! Can't you see what a fool you're being?" Tonks snapped.

Sirius looked at the metamorphmagus with confusion.

"Remus loves you, he isn't interested in me, he doesn't want me, he never did, he wants you. You utter git. He's been miserable since you left."

"It's been only two hours," stated Sirius flatly.

"So what! He's bloody worried about you," said Tonks.

On cue, Remus apparated out of nowhere. Tonks stepped aside when she saw him.

"You utter git. You dumped me in front of entire Order. How could you think, I don't want you, that I'm ashamed of you? The only reason I wanted to keep our relationship secret was because I thought, you would be ashamed of me!" shouted Remus

"Why would I be ashamed of you?"

"I'm a fucking werewolf, dammit!.. I'm scarred, ugly, unattractive why would you want me?" shouted Remus

"That is absurd. You're beautiful, beside it was you who was being distant. You don't let me touch you, you slept in your own room."

"I was feeling unattractive," said Remus, his face flushed. Sirius cupped his face and kissed him passionately. When they pulled away, Remus intertwined their fingers and said. "Next time when you have any doubt about us, you'll talk to me first." Sirius just nodded.

When they reached Sirius's room they saw Hedwig at the window sill. They untied the letter and started reading.

_Dear Padfoot_

_I'm sorry, I was unable to write earlier. I was preparing for my potions test. You might've heard we got a new potions professor, Professor Slughorn. Unfortunately Snape also became the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher. I found a potion journal belonged to someone called the Half-Blood Prince. It's been tremendously useful, but it has filled me with questions. Because there are also spells in them I've never seen before. Do you have any idea who that could be? I'll see during Christmas holidays._

_I_ _miss you,_

_Harry_

Sirius smiled after reading the letter. Harry didn't hate him after all. Of course, he didn't. Sirius was the only godfather and friendly family Harry had.

Sirius scratched at his face, drawing his long hair back from his handsome, but hollowed out face.

"Hmmm, Half Blood prince who could that be..."

"We'll think about that later. For now, why don't you let me show you how much I love Padfoot," said Remus, smirking his kind, older but friendly face at him. Sirius returned his smirk and led him to the bed and started to remove his robes… "Oi, get a room both of you!" shouted Tonks

"It IS our room!" they said in unison

"At least lock it," Tonks shouted again. Just then the door closed on her face. After sometime, someone shouted:

"Don't you guys hear about silencing charms!"

~o~

The End!

 


End file.
